I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
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