It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Randomize
