If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Randomize
