good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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