what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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