My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Randomize
