U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
