I want to have your abortion
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
