i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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