And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
