I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
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