We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Randomize
