So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
