I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize