Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize