I must be too annoying 4 u.
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Randomize