I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
