Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
