$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I seem to have left my pride at pride
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
he laminated a picture of his dick.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
