I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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