Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
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