my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
