I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
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