my vag is so smooth its legendary
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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