I haven't been this sober since birth.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
