there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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