I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Randomize
