You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
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