party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Randomize
