low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
