They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
