I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
