i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize