I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Randomize
