it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
