Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
my phone needs a breathalizer
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
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