Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize
