forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
