So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
