sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
cat food counts as protein by the way
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
