If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
Randomize
