Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
