just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
