I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
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