omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
We were destined to go to rehab together
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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