apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
