I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
