I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
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