Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
