So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
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