So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
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