I'm gonna have a badass scar
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
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