Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize