haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Randomize
