hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
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