he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Randomize
