i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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