Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Randomize
