well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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