I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Randomize
