Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Randomize
