I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize