I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
