"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
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