speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize
