dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
