Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Randomize
